Sunday, July 25, 2010

When the Bough Breaks and Marriages Fail

When people fall in love they think nothing can tear them apart. They believe in each other, and they think their love is unbreakable. So, they get married, commit to each other, and begin the life of wedded bliss. Although, admirable, in the world of today, the odds are high that the marriage will crumble.

They may hurriedly purchase a house, new cars, add a swimming pool, and make new friends. The thrill of decorating their home with new appliances, flat-screen televisions, and all the finer things becomes a driving force. And, they enjoy many moments filled with sexual frenzy. But, for many, the excitement of building a life together begins to fade all to quickly.

Before long, the reality of life takes hold. The mortgage, car payments, utilities, and money due for the new furnishings that surround them. Perhaps a pregnancy happens before they've had a change to really get to know each other. Perhaps one wanted children and the other did not, or at least not so soon. Now, in addition to the overwhelming living expenses, there's doctor and hospital bills looming on the horizon.

Sometimes the effects of pregnancy becomes overbearing to the husband. He's tired of his wife's morning sickness, or the way her body is beginning to look. The once taut and sexy stomach is now bloated, round, and lined with red and purple stretch marks. She's irritable, tired, and not interested in sex anymore. She might not even look like the person he married, and his disappointment starts to show.

Many couples suppose things will change after a baby is born. Actually, this is true. Things will change, but the changes might be completely different from what they expected. Oh, they'll be up all night again, but not because of heated passions. They'll spend many evenings at home, but this might be because they don't have, or can't afford, a babysitter. The grocery bills can double with baby food, diapers, and formulas. Costs to outfit the nursery with crib, dresser, baby monitor, and toys might be much more than anticipated. A stroller, walker, car seat and more doesn't come cheaply.

His beautiful young wife might seem to have evolved into an older woman. Her breasts and hips, he used to caress, are now things reserved for the baby. He watches as she cuddles, holds, and kisses the baby. The baby seems to have taken his wife from him! It may seem everything revolves around the baby as she dotes on every new activity. His wife talks about how tired she is (again). And, just when he thinks he's going to get 'lucky,' his wife pushes him away when she hears the baby sigh.

Many times, a husband can feel rejected, as if he's in competition with this new arrival. Some men throw themselves into their work, some drink and avoid coming home, and others seek out another to satisfy his sexual desire. None of these things are good choices, but they seem justified at the moment.

In this regard, "when the bough breaks" may not be about a baby in a cradle. It could be about the unmistakable sound of a marriage shattering like broken glass.

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