Do you feel as if every time you have a discussion with your significant other you need to wear boxing gloves? Do you feel misunderstood by your loved one? or does your loved one feel misunderstood by you? If you decide to go into the boxing ring... Use these ground rules for "fighting".
Ask for an appointment to have a heart to heart .
Limit this time. Don't spend a lot of time in a fight. The longer it goes the less productive it will be. Get to the point. Acknowledge your partners feelings, make your feelings known, reach a mutual solution and reconnect.
don't criticize or blame; suggest Instead. Ask and give permission to do so.
No Weapons (sarcasm, insolence, negative tones, abruptness)
Say what you mean and validate what you hear.
Don't play therapist - Coaching is different
Search for facts - no mind reading you ask for permission.
NO EXCUSES! - take responsibility for your part.
Say whatever you need to say once
Respect, hug, show affection, and use attachment skills and give genuine felt appreciation and praise.
TIME OUT! - use it if need be, but be responsible to initiate the engage after a disengage
Try using attachment skills to ease the discomfort. Remember, if you aren't giving t to your partner there may be someone out there that won't miss out on the opportunity.
LIMIT!!! - the frequency of fights. Allow time to reassure you that this isn't just an impulsive feeling. Don't resume the fight until the appointed time. Have fun and play during the reconnection.
If you have any questions and or comments email me.
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